Body fixations are usually mostly about something other than our bodies…it’s the self esteem, or low self confidence that comes from a negative self image. If you didn’t have any fixations when you were a teenager, chances are you’ve developed one as you’ve gotten older! While some give in to the pressure to conform and resort to drugs, surgery et al, in order to get on with their lives; others learn to present their less than perfect figures in as pleasant a package as possible and move on.
Plastic surgery, botox, exercise, drugs etc., have become tools to get us the bodies we want and give us the kind of confidence we crave. It’s an on going challenge and an on going money making opportunity for those in this business. One thing I always find myself having to point out to clients as a stylist is that there is no perfect body type. Oh yes, the world has made us feel that the woman with the hourglass figure has it all, it dosn’t help as well that the human eye is drawn to a woman’s curves even more, making us crave to achieve ‘the look’ . But God likes diversity and even if the average pair of eyes prefer the balance of a heavy buttom more or the size zero model figure, who says that’s what our Creator prefers?
If the ‘perfect body’ solved all our issues, you would’t find the likes of Marilyn Monroe suffering from drug issues even to the point of her death would we? Let’s not even get into the list of celebrite we see as perfect who have gone down the sinkhole of depression and drug abuse. It all comes down to how we all see ourselves, ladies… and gentlemen, and it’s become an epidemic!
No matter what anyone says, you are the only one that dictates what to believe and what to discard when it comes to your body and if you’ve been on the negative path for a while, getting back on track is not going to be that easy. If you want a shortcut to positive body image, then this article is not for you. It involves you taking time out to ask and answer a lot of questions that affect your life as you see it.
So how do you get over these figure fixations?
- For starters, most people do not notice your body fixations unless you mention them. Many would not imagine that a part of your body they barely noticed on meeting you, is what keeps you up at night!There are even people who have fixations on parts of their bodies people love about them.
The next time you are with a friend or meet someone, try not to say anything about your fixations and notice how smoothly the conversation goes. Also, try not to mention appearance at all when you greet or refer to other women. Identify them by something they do.
Watch the adjectives you use when describing women you admire, especially in front of younger girls. “Dainty. Elegant. Petite. Delicate. Those were the deadly words for me,” says nutrition and metabolism expert Pamela Peeke, MD who was tall and athletic.
- Do you think you are too fat? Your clothes don’t fit the way you want them to? The first question is, what are you doing about it? Are you eating healthy meals? doing your minimum exercise? Unless you’re comfortable with your weight and it does not affect your health, we encourage you to do something about it. Do not put yourself under pressure or set undue standards- start with frequent walks, a discipline to avoid the unhealthy meals and filling up the gaps with healthy meals you actually like. Rather than focusing on changing what you eat, try to change your relationship with food also. If food time is a tense time for you, or a source of comfort for stress, then you may need to watch where it is taking you:
Once you recognize what pushes your emotional hunger buttons, start devising alternate responses, like taking a walk around the block, listening to a relaxation tape, or jumping into a hot shower. Make meals more social. Sit down to dinner with family, a friend, a partner—no TV, no reading material. Sharing a good, healthy meal is nourishing both physically and emotionally, leaving you fully satisfied—and it sets a good example for children.Do try to remember that good food is what fuels your body to enjoy life!
It’s all good and easy to make these suggestions, you say, but not as easy to do them. Tough love is something we all need at one point or another in our lives and this is one of them. A flabby tummy will not just go away with kind words and wishful thinking, that I can tell you from experience! Literally, sweat and maybe even tears are involved!
- Choose your media button- Whether it’s the ads you see on TV, online or in the magazines, pictures of women who never age or even the larger than life butts or boobs of Instagram or facebook models; you should try to limit what you give your attention to. Understand that these people are trying to sell some product or the other, yes, even the selfie obsessed women on Instagram.
You may need to avoid some social media altogether for a while, and remind yourself that those women you see who never seem to age, have gone through hours of expensive products and intense makeup and filters… again, to sell a product. Focus instead on developing and celebrating your own unique style. In a study by the Melpomene Institute, which does research on women and physical activity, 52 percent of girls with a poor body image almost always compared their appearance to others; only 4 percent of girls with a healthy body image did.
- Choose your friends wisely. Sure, we all complain sometimes about one body part or the other, but having a friend who constantly talks about his or her fixations and finds you out to listen is not healthy. Find friends with realistic self images and who encourage you to look beyond your flaws. This goes a long way as the company we keep, greatly affects our meditations and what we spend out time talking about. Self hatred is contageous. Also avoid those who make you feel you are not as beautiful as them or try to convince you that you have to do so and so in order to be as beautiful or measure up. Friends who help you become better will do so without making you feel gulity or nurse other negative emotions about yourself while doing so.
- When others complement you, accept it fully without protesting or drawing out flaws they never even talked about. Someone says they like your curves and you point out your ‘huge’ butt, or boobs. They compliment your birthmark or your eyes and you complain about the limitations. This gets them uncomfortable and they may even avoid complimenting you again so they don’t get to hear you ramble on about your fixations!This negativity is really just your ego wanting to keep the subject of your own self-hatred as the number one subject. Learning to love yourself starts with believing the good things that people tell you. Accept compliments with polite thanks and move forward knowing the kind words to be the truth – you do look good.
- Engage in events and relationships that make you look and feel beautiful. Smile when you pass by a mirror, make your home or living space beautiful to live in, beautify your office space, listen to lovely music, buy beautiful clothes and indulge yourself whenever you can.
- Celebrate your body. We understand that no one’s perfect but you do have parts of your body you need to play up more. The best way to do that is to know your body type and learn how to dress it up the best way you can: Apple, Strawberry, Banana, Hourglass or Pear.Doesn’t matter. The second part of this article will address this vital part of knowing your body type and celebrating it, playing up your strengths. Knowing the body God has given you and treating it with respect is a fundamental part of getting over any fixations you may have observes our SBM style team. Treating it with respect instead of contempt shifts the foundation. Taking care of it and getting it into the best shape possible can only happen with this fundamental respect and such respect is the opposite approach from fixating on what you feel to be inadequacies of your body.
- Finally and more importantly, Style and Attitude Are the Ultimate Fix!
I have this friend, she’s a lovely plus sized woman, but she’s the most amazing plus sized woman I know! It’s not even that she’s the most beautiful, but she does make an impression! I have never heard her complain about her weight or her fixations, I’m sure she has one, but she always turns up well put together and ready to have fun! She’s taken the time to discover her body type as well as her style personality, so she doesn’t look out of place or uncomfortable in whatever she wears. Most people would rather be around an overweight woman who dresses up and is upbeat and fun to be around than they would a stuck up thin woman who is a downer to be around. Your attitude is the first thing you can fix that will go the furthest in making you understand the world is an accepting place and will appreciate the beauty that you put into it. Getting your priorities right is the first step. ‘You are beautiful’ is a phrase you hear a lot, it’s not just pep talk, it’s true; but it has no value in yor life unless you believe it!